This post is dedicated to Natalie, my best friend whom just got married this past weekend. I have never met anyone who is capable of being as productive, responsible, kind, and honest as her.
Natalie is the first friend that I can honestly say has pushed me to be a better person, and made me the best version of myself. It has got me thinking about my friendships and different relationships in my life. Not only that, but my priorities. We all encounter obstacles, and we all reach a point where important choices need to be made. Choices that will potentially determine the rest of our lives (or at least what happens for the next few years). What forces us to choose one path versus the other?
What have I been basing my life decisions on? Have I been making choices for a life I think I should have, or a life I want to have? Where am I going? Living in Jackson, Wyoming, where everyone is competing at all times for one thing or another, you lose track of your goals and whether you are doing things for others or for yourself. I have finally reached a point where this is finally clear.
Life is exciting. Life has so many adventures to be had, people to meet, and connections to be made. I want to have more adventures, and I want to meet new people to share my life with. Here I am going to share with you a few thoughts of clarity that have surfaced for me about my life, and about what I am looking for in another individual. If you think this sounds silly, well, stop reading. This is a blog. It is my outlet and a way of sharing thoughts. Don’t like it? Don’t read it.
I have lived in Jackson for over three years now, and in the past few months have realized that my career is not going anywhere. I love the mountains, I love the skiing, I love the people. However, I no longer feel challenged on a daily basis. I would like to spend my days doing something that makes me feel worth something at the end of the day. I want to spend my days using my brain, using my physical strength; using the assets that I feel I have and that I feel can contribute to a greater good.
I have been putting off going back to school, and I think the time has finally come. I am going to apply for grad schools this fall, and my hope is that in the fall of 2015, I will return for a Masters in Environmental Engineering. Far fetched? Maybe. But I am going to try.
In the meantime, no more buying useless clothing, more shoes, more skis, more hiking gear, more fancy drinks day after day…time to save my hard earned money for my life ahead.
These goals have only become clear to me in the recent months, as this is the first time in a long time I feel completely single, on my own, and basing my decisions on no one but myself. Basing my decisions on nothing but my own happiness and what is best for my future.
Now…after attending the wedding of Natalie & Colby, I have more hope than ever that there is someone amazing out there for all of us. I had started to feel discouraged in the last few months, but seeing those two together, and how much they love each other gave me hope. Why do we waste so much of our lives holding on to relationships that we know are not good for us? That we know are not helping us to grow? That we know do not make us the best version of ourselves? The answer, at least for me, is that it is comfortable. You form a connection and it is easy, it is convenient, and it is something to cling to when things get rough. The reality? Well, the reality is that it keeps you running in place, you do not move forward as a person, an educator, a student, a friend…you stay in one place and do not grow as an individual.
I want to find someone that challenges me. Someone that makes me a better person and forces me to take a look at my life and make it the one I deserve. I want to be with someone that doesn’t always agree with me and that tells me their opinion, regardless if it is different than my own..(If Natalie were a lesbian, she would be my number one choice).
I want to share my life with a person who is intelligent, hard working, and appreciates the little things. Someone that I can laugh with all day long, and someone that never makes me feel uncomfortable or bad about myself. Someone that loves my friends, someone that my friends love, someone that supports me in my goals.
There is a long road ahead, and many obstacles I have yet to encounter. However, I am finally feeling like myself and I am determined to reach my goals and find someone who is willing to stand by my side along the way. Friends like Natalie wake you up and help you realize what is important. Those friends are rare – hold onto them when you find them.
Oh, and I almost forgot- I want to be with someone who still loves me when they find me curled up on the couch, in my underwear, covered in Dorito crumbs after a drunk night out with friends. Now that, that is true love.